Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger. The person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger.
If it means bad years for me, that’s okay. If you don’t remember me or what we are, you will still be my friend, and I will remember for both of us.
A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. “Never leave that until tomorrow what you can do today.” This is the man who discovered electricity, you think more of us would listen of what he has to say. I don’t know why we put things off, but if I have to guess, I’d say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection, and sometimes the fear is just making a decision because what if you are wrong, what if you are making a mistake that you cannot undo. Whatever it is we are afraid of, one thing holds true, that by the time the pain of not doing a thing gets worst than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we are carrying a giant tumor.
Like what they always say, the early bird catches the worm. He who hesitates is lost. We can’t pretend that we haven’t been told, we all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents, warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes, we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have sweep today’s possibility onto tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore, until we finally understand from ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant. that knowing is better than wondering. That waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.
Remember when you were a kid and your biggest worries like if you get a bike for your birthday or if you get to eat cookies for breakfast, being an adult is totally overrated. I mean seriously, don’t be fooled with all the hot shoes and the great sex and the no-parents-telling-you-what-to-do. Adulthood is responsibility. Responsibility, really does sucks, really, really sucks. Adults have to be places and do things and make a living and pay the rent, etc. Kinda makes bikes and cookies good, isn’t?
The scariest part of responsibility is when you screw up and you just let it slide up through your fingers. Again, it really sucks. Unfortunately, once you get pass the age of braces and training bra’s, responsibility doesn’t go away. It can’t be avoided. Either someone makes us face it or we suffer the consequences. I mean the shoes, the sex, the no-parents-telling-you-what-to-do, that is pretty damn good.
Intimacy, it is spelled with desire and fear, difficult to live with and impossible to live without. Intimacy is also attached to life’s three “R’s”: relatives, romance, and roommates. There are things you can’t escape and other things that you just don’t want to know. I wish there is a real book for intimacy, some kind of a guide that could tell you if you have crossed the line. It would be nice if you can see it coming, but they don’t know how you fit in a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. As for rules, maybe there are none, maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself.
We live out our lives every single day. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 4 weeks a month, 12 months a year. We are together more than we are apart. After a while, the ways we do things becomes the way of our life. There are things to remember. Number one, always keep a score. Number two, do whatever you can to outsmart the other guys. Number three, don’t make friends with the enemy. Number four, everything is a competition. Who ever said winning wasn’t everything, never failed in their whole life and always have what they want. There is another way to survive this competition, a way others never speak about, where you have to learn for yourself. Number five, it is not about the race, there are no winners or losers, victory are counted by the lives you have changed and saved. And once in a while, if you are smart, the life you save could be your own.
There is this line that separates you from other people. It doesn’t help to get too familiar, to make friends, you need boundaries between you and the rest of the world. Other people are far too messy, it’s all about the line. Drawing a line to the sand and praying like hell no one crosses it. At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t make other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that is how it is made. You can waste your life drawing a line, or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines, that are way too dangerous to cross. Here is what I know, if you are willing to take a chance, the view from the other side is spectacular.
Life is like a playing field, a person either has what it takes or not. It can have the best or worst part of your life. How well you play, that’s up to you. I can’t think of any one reason why I still want to live. But I can think of a thousand reason why I should quit. They make it hard for a purpose. There comes a moment when it is more than game of living, we can take a step forward, or we can turn around and walk away. I could quit, but here is the thing, I love the playing field.
Coz I’ve seen love die, way to many times. When it deserves to be alive. \m/,